[ November 30th, 2005 • 11:18pm ] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | My Chemical Romance <3 ] So I am basically feeling all depressed and moody again. I have come to realize that my life is complete crap and I hate it. I have screwed things over so bad already I don't know how to fix it. I am a shy person, I will admit that, I know I am and I hate it more then anything in the world. The only other people who know how I feel are other shy people and it is harder then other people think to shake that sort of habit. I can't say the things I want to say, I can't do the things I want to do, because I am so god damned pessimistic and over think things to much. I can't go up to guys I like and want to get to know because I don't know what to say or I think they will laugh in my face. What if that guys is right there? What if we could be so wonderful together and I just can't get the courage up to even say hello. I just wait for them to make the first move and I know it will never, ever happen. I mean, who is going to come up to me and want to get to know me. I get so attached to things and feel shit out of luck when I don't make things happen for myself and I UTTERLY HATE MYSELF FOR IT. I just can't wait to go to college and meet someone who understands all of this. I have been let down to much in my life to give a shit anymore. I am tired of all of the boys who think they are grow and mature, but then they do dumb ass shit like they could be ten years old again. Does anyone really know how many times I have been hurt by one of those kind of BOYS? Too many times for me to want to remember. I don't even know what I do to deserve to attract those sorts of BOYS. I am not a bad person. I am nice, caring and considerate... SO WHAT THE FUCK CAN'T THE MALES I MEET BE THAT WAY? Because that is not how life goes for me, that's why. I have never really gotten the best of things and I haven't complained. Well, maybe just a little and when I do something bad happens. Even when I talk about good things happening in my life, EVEN THE BLOODY GOOD THINGS, it never turns out good. Something horrid always comes back to bite my ass. I guess that's just what I get for believe that everything happens for a reason. I just am not seeing the reason now. SOMEONE HELP ME FIND THE REASON. So much for first entries. My two new favorite bands are MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE and 30 SECONDS TO MARS I love them and need to molest them, lots. Their music loves me and I love it as well. My only love will and always will be music. It never lets me down, always understands me, never questions me or looks at me funny for being an idiot, and gets me through hard times. <3 Music. 1 comments reply | edit memory

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